“Looks like I came home a little too early from my private island this spring. Now I’m here with the rest of you guys, practicing the fine art of social distancing in this dreary weather.”

“It feels like the 100th time I’ve written a new construction column for this magazine, but this time we’re talking climate change. And with the 60 degree weather in February, it’s safe to say something wonky is going on, even if some don’t want to believe it.”

“Some people were made to fly solo. Surprisingly, Han Solo himself isn’t one of them (he could barely do anything without Chewie).”

“I love that our annual Real Data issue is coming out on President’s Day this year, because I like to think of the top performers in the following pages as the presidents of their territories.”

“This year we’re dealing with new tenant screening rules, licensing policy updates and the legality of wacky tobacky in Illinois. So, what does that mean for you managing brokers?”

“I knew a mortgage broker once who had two giant poodles named Freddie and Fannie. True story. A few years later, he had twins that he named Mac and Mae.”

“Now that the holidays are over, it’s time to get back to business. The cover story has some concrete steps for real estate pros to become business owners, while my column has got you covered in the gossipy, know-it-all department. There is no reason you can’t enjoy both.”

It’s time for the experts to sit together and make some guesses about what’s going to happen next year. What we do know is that there will be a presidential election, property taxes will probably go up and someone famous will die.

“As I’m sure is evident, I could totally be a managing broker. But who wants all that work and responsibility? I can hire people to have those ulcers for me, thanks.”

“Everyone has a favorite neighborhood. For me, it depends on whether or not you would consider a private island a neighborhood.”

“As you can probably guess, Agent X is not the best at keeping secrets. Speaking of which, let’s get to the gossip!”

“When I heard this issue was going to be about some mumbo jumbo called iBuyers, I wasn’t sure what to make of it. They’re apparently not a thing in Chicago yet, so you shouldn’t be embarrassed if you don’t know exactly what it means. Still, I checked in with my technology people and they officially laughed in my face.”

“Representing which party, you may be wondering? Well, that’s the tricky part. Like the lovely ladies of the Real Housewives of any city, I prefer not to reveal my political affiliations. Which I guess would make it difficult for me to run for president.”

“Non-traditional will be on my headstone and atypical is my middle name, so this is right up my alley! Say goodbye to those cookie-cutter deals, because those are a thing of the past.”

“Now that I’ve revealed some of my secret association memberships (there are a few more I am not allowed to mention; one of them sounds a lot like Lou Malnati…) let’s get on to the important gossip of the week.”

“A friend told me just this morning that he spotted pumpkin spice beverages at our local Dunkin’ Donuts. People, it’s August, which is way too early for pumpkins. And don’t even get me started on all these Halloween decorations rearing their ugly heads. The only good thing about these early signs of fall is that I was able to purchase candy corn.”